Whisper My Last Goodbye Read online

  Bridget gripped Harpur in her arms and squeezed her with all her might. “Orr love, come on, don’t be getting upset. Your Brady will always be in your heart and with every day that passes it will get easier, trust me, it will. You won’t ever forget him and that’s all that matters. You two were as thick as thieves and nobody will ever take that away from you. Brady loved you, he just got a bit lost that’s all. He got in deeper than he could handle. Who knows what he was up against? All we know is that he was in a bad place.”

  Bridget had to change the subject and fast, she knew where this was heading and there was no way she wanted to see her friend break down in tears again. Because once she opened the flood gates there was no going back. “Listen love, all I want is for you to be happy. I’m just saying that’s all. Don’t ever settle for second best. Follow your heart and you won’t go far wrong.” These words were from the heart and Harpur knew she had some serious thinking to do. It was a big scary world out there and she didn’t know if she was ready or even strong enough to face single life on her own. Harpur bit hard on her bottom lip and shook her head. She was hurting, ready to sob her heart out. “I just miss him so much you know, it’s so hard. I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds.” Bridget patted the side of her arm and shook her head slowly. This was all so sad, such a crying shame. Harpur’s life was in tatters and there was no way out, she’d hit a brick wall. She had to face facts. She could never leave Neil, not now, she needed him to keep her head together. Harpur had a story to tell and her past was something she struggled with each and every day. Bridget knew her friend inside out and even though her words were harsh tonight, she only had her best interests at heart.

  Bridget necked the wine from her glass and stood up and dragged Harpur by the hands. “Come on love, drink up and let’s go and have a boogie. Fuck our problems, they’ll still be here in the morning.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Harpur opened her eyes as the morning light cracked inside the room. This was such a lovely bedroom; peaceful, pretty, everything neatly placed, tranquil. The stencil quotes on the wall showed this woman was a hopeless romantic, she believed in true love, the one. Every morning, she’d sing the words from the song she’d had stencilled on her bedroom wall. “Kiss me under the moon of a thousand stars.” This woman had so much love in her heart and after years of domestic abuse in her past, she was at peace with herself now. Neil hated the wall designs and said there were much better things to display on their bedroom wall than some singer’s lyrics, perhaps a wedding photograph... Memories of their time together, not words that meant nothing to him. He was like that Neil, he hated her being creative. Turning her head slowly, she looked at her husband asleep next to her. She reached over and stroked the side of his cheek slowly. His body was warm. She studied him, every crease on his face, every line, every wrinkle. Did she still love him? Was he her true love? She just didn’t know anymore, her head was all over the place and she was so mixed up. Over the last year or so the couple had just drifted apart. Most nights Neil just stayed downstairs watching the TV and it was very rare they slept together anymore. I suppose most couples were like this after fifteen years of marriage, they’d just given up on each other and the romance had definitely gone. Neil was a lovely guy in his own way, he cooked and cleaned and worked a full-time job. So why was this woman still not happy? Was she searching for something that didn’t really exist? Perhaps the fairy tales she’d read as a child had misled her, maybe there wasn’t a Prince Charming, a man who would sweep her off her feet. The guy who would make her heart leap about inside her ribcage. She wasn’t sure if true love even existed anymore. Neil began to stir, his eyes opening slowly. “What time is it sweetheart, is it time for work yet?”

  Harpur smiled gently, her fingers still resting on his cheek. “It’s half past six love. Your alarm will be going off soon.” Harpur had been awake for ages now. She was lucky to get a few hours’ sleep each night if she was lucky, her mind was always active and since the death of her brother she just couldn’t really relax anymore. She had so many unanswered questions, so many things running around in her mind, tormenting her. Somebody knew more than they were letting on regarding her brother’s death and by hook or by crook, she was going to uncover the truth and find out the real reason her brother was taken from her.

  Neil stretched his arms above his head and pulled her over next to him. There she was lying on his chest and he had no idea she wasn’t happy. He was oblivious to it all. He didn’t make her feel safe anymore, she was drifting further and further away from him with every day that passed. Neil was a plain man and lived for work. He didn’t like change and he would have stayed in the same clothes for years if his wife would have let him. A penny pincher he was, a tight arse, always watching his money and never letting a penny go by without it being accounted for. Neil kissed the top of her head and rolled out of the bed. She watched him carefully as he began to get ready. “Bridget and her new man are going away to a spa for the weekend if you fancy going?” She tucked the quilt neatly under her chin, waiting on his reply.

  “No, I’m skint. And I can’t be arsed spending time with her anyway, she has too much to say for herself. You know me and her don’t see eye to eye, she’s a trouble maker, she always has been.”

  Harpur kept her mouth shut but the disappointment was written all over her face. Why did she ever think he would say yes anyway? He never said yes to anything anymore, he was a misery. Old before his time. And if he was being honest with himself, he would have said the marriage was over years ago anyway, just like she would. Neil bent over and kissed the top of her head. Nothing special, just a peck. “See you later babes. The football’s on tonight so don’t be making any arrangements for me to go anywhere. I’m going to chill out with a few beers if you don’t mind.”

  Harpur rolled on her side and watched him leave. She didn’t care about him watching football on the TV anymore, she didn’t care if he never came home at all. Neil left the bedroom. The front door slammed shut and she listened as he started the car. Staring at the walls around her, she was becoming restless. Reaching over, she picked up her phone and logged into Facebook. Everybody she knew was on this social network and it was her way of escaping her normal everyday life. It helped ease the boredom too, it excited her. Harpur smiled as she read some of the statuses people had written. Bridget was hilarious and some of the stuff she wrote on her timeline was so near the bone it was a wonder she wasn’t banned from Facebook for life. Harpur scrolled through with a single finger. Her eyes were wide open and she was alert. She didn’t start work for a few hours yet and she had some time to kill before she had to make a move. Her boss was understanding and told her to take as much time as she needed to help her get over the loss of her brother. Some weeks she only went in for a few hours. Harpur froze, eyes staring at the screen. She sat up in the bed and she was concentrating. Her fingers tapped at her phone rapidly. Grabbing her mobile phone, she dialled a number. Her voice was low as she chewed rapidly on her fingernails nervously. “Hello Bridget, it’s me. You never guess what?” The voice at the end of the phone was sleepy and she had to speak up to make sure Bridget was listening. “Are you on Facebook? I know you’re in bed but go on it please, I need to show you something.” Harpur held the phone to the side of her head as she stared at her phone. Her heart was beating faster than normal and her cheeks were bright red. “Meet me before work, we can have a coffee. I’ll explain when we meet up. What a turn up for the books, you’ll never believe it in a million years. Move your arse and hurry up. I’ll see you there.” The call ended suddenly and Harpur just lay in the bed still looking at the screen, she never flinched. The bedroom door opened suddenly and made her panic. She stashed the phone away quickly and brushed her hair back to the side of her cheek.

  “Nana, can I have a drink please?”

  Harpur patted the bed next to her as a small boy stood looking at her. “Come and get in bed with me and let’s have a special cuddle.” The kid
ran to the side of the bed as Harpur cupped him into her arms and put him in the bed next to her. “Just let’s have a snuggle and I’ll get up and make you some breakfast. Where is your mam, is she still asleep?”

  Joseph nodded his head and smirked. “Yes, she told me to come and wake you up and to leave her alone.” Harpur smiled and kissed the top of her grandson’s head. His mother Joanne had been living with her for over ten months now. Well, since her son had been slammed into prison for the lifestyle he was leading. It was only supposed to be until she found a new house but as of yet there was no sign of them leaving any time soon. Harpur loved them being there anyway and she liked Joanne, she treated her like one of her own. This house was never empty and she liked it like that. She loved the company. Harpur had a son and a daughter. They were grown up now and had their own lives to lead. Sam was from a previous relationship and he was ten years old when Neil came into her life. The two of them had never really seen eye to eye and they had been nose to nose on quite a few occasions. Sam was like his dad; violent and unable to control his temper. Even from an early age she could see his father’s traits in him. So for him to end up in prison came as little surprise to anyone in the family. It was sad to say but Harpur was at peace knowing where he was. No more police hammering at her front door, no more court appearances. Her son attracted trouble, he craved excitement, the usually stuff that landed him in the big house. He had a big heart though and loved his mother. He would have died for his family, spent life in jail to make sure they were alright.

  Maddie was Neil’s daughter and the apple of her father’s eye. He always thought he could never have any children and after they set out to try for a child, his heart leapt when she told him she was carrying his baby. His world revolved around her and he thanked the Lord above every day for the child he’d sent him. Harpur reached down to the floor and shoved on a grey t-shirt. She was in a rush now and whatever she’d seen on the website had made her smile, she was all flustered, glowing even. Standing over the bed, she spoke in an animated voice to her grandson. “Joseph, you stay here and I’ll make you some breakfast. I’ll put the TV on for you and you can watch some cartoons while I’m making it.” Joseph snuggled deep under the duvet and smiled over at his nana. He was so angelic and he could never do any wrong in her eyes.

  Harpur leaned over the kitchen side and listened to the kettle boiling. She was just staring into space, she was unsettled. Tapping her fingers on the black kitchen worktop, she licked her lips slowly. The house phone started to ring and made her jump. “Hiya mam, yes, I’ll call after work. Please stop crying, you’re going to make yourself ill if you carry on like this.” Harpur held her ear to the phone and swallowed hard as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Mam, I’m struggling too. We just need to help each other get through this. Brady wouldn’t want us crying all the time. Please, just try and calm down. Go and make a cup of tea and sit down for a bit. Read a book and take your mind off it.”

  The conversation went on for a few more minutes and when the call finally ended, Harpur was upset herself. Joanne walked into the kitchen and walked up behind her slowly. She’d seen this woman on her hands and knees crying her heart out for weeks now and wished there was something she could do to help. She touched the top of her shoulder and pressed down slightly. “Come on, don’t cry. It’s going to get better. Your mam is just having a bad day that’s all.”

  Harpur snivelled and her body melted over the kitchen table before she finally sat down. “Every day is a bad day for her Joanne. When is it ever going to stop? Are we ever going to feel normal again? Brady has left a massive void in all our lives, don’t you understand that. It will never get better?”

  Joanne tried to console her. “Time’s a good healer, or so they say. It doesn’t help that the inquest report isn’t back yet either. I bet your head’s all over the place isn’t it? It’s the not knowing that would do me in. No wonder you can’t settle.”

  Harpur stood up and carried on making the cups of tea. “I know something happened to make Brady take his own life, something tipped him over the edge. He wouldn’t have just gone without speaking to me first. I know him inside out. It just doesn’t make sense. The inquest will only tell us what we already know anyway, he was drugged up and he hung himself. It’s as simple as that.”

  Joanne plonked herself down on the chair and played with her fingers. “It is weird, I get that. But, you know what Brady was like, he was depressed, he was always trying to top himself. He cared about nothing but the drugs.” Joanne covered her mouth with her hand and her eyes were wide open. It just slipped out, she didn’t mean to be so blunt. She was thinking out loud. Harpur’s head twisted slowly, her teeth clenched tightly together. This wasn’t good, how could she have been so thoughtless, blunt even. “Don’t you ever judge my brother! He had problems, nobody knew the half of it. And as for ‘always trying to top himself’, as you so rudely put it. Yes, he was unstable, but don’t you think that was a cry for help? He was reaching out, trying to find some peace somewhere. Do you know how hard it’s been for me to watch my brother over these last few years?” Harpur was on one now and she was ready for snapping, punching Joanne’s lights out.

  Joanne hung her head low and sucked hard on her lips. It was her fault for being such a big mouth. Fancy making a comment like that when she knew the reaction she would get! Joseph ran into the kitchen and saved the day. He was singing and dancing and making them both laugh. Joanne was relieved, this could have got messy. There was silence. Harpur shot a look over at Joanne. This would keep, there was no way in this world she was getting away with the comment she’d just made. When they were alone again she was getting a mouthful, getting put in her place. Joanne sunk back in her chair, her and her big mouth had done it again.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Harpur sat waiting eagerly in the coffee shop, sipping on her latte, twiddling her thumbs, watching the public through the window. Her eyes focused on the door; every time it opened she was on the edge of her seat. Something had rattled her for sure. She checked her wristwatch again, where the hell was she? Bridget was late, she should have been here over ten minutes ago. She let out a laboured breath and tapped her fingers on the table nervously. Harpur had to be in work soon and she didn’t want to be late. Harpur Murray worked as a receptionist for a motoring company. She loved her job and met different people every day. There were always fit guys calling in the office, proper eye candy she called them. Many a time she’d been tempted to give her phone number out to a few of the good looking ones. She loved a good old flirt. Come on, what woman didn’t? How nice was it to get attention from another man? Well, she wasn’t getting any at home, so it was all fair in love and war she supposed. Neil used to always tell her how good she looked when they were dating, how sexy she was, how she was the only woman for him. But these days, he took her for granted and very rarely noticed anything about her. Even when she’d picked up a new dress, or tried a new hair style, he never made a comment. He was oblivious to anything she ever did. Well, until she pointed it out to him that was. How hard was it to give your partner a nice comment, it isn’t rocket science is it? It’s child’s play really. But that’s what happens when two people take each other for granted, they just drift apart. They stop trying.

  The coffee shop was busy today and lots of meetings were already taking place here. It was a cosy set up; dark red walls with cream trimming. It was the kind of venue you could have stayed in for hours, it felt like home. This was a meeting place where you could discuss secrets, guilty pleasures. Things that you were hiding away from the outside world. Looking around the coffee shop, she noticed laptops sitting on the tables nearby. There were two men sat there in deep conversation. She held her head to the side and tried to earwig, anything was better than just sitting there looking like a spare part. Bridget’s timekeeping had never been good and all through their friendship, this woman had never been early for any meeting they arranged. She’d be late for her own funeral! Harpur was
never one for being alone and often wondered how women her age coped when they were single and had no friends, no social life. No, she loved companionship and never planned anything unless she was meeting a friend. Harpur loved watching people too, she loved making up her own stories about them and the lives they led. She had a very creative mind and had always thought about taking it further. She’d discussed this idea with her husband on a few occasions and as always, he just pulled a sour face and put a dampener on it. Neil was so negative, Chief Black Cloud she’d nicknamed him. He hated that she wasn’t just happy going to work and coming home like the rest of the world did. He loathed that she had dreams, goals to achieve, places to go, people to meet. Even the bucket list she’d created years before was laughed at by her husband. He was just a coach potato these days with no real ambition.

  Suddenly, the shop door flew open like a hurricane had started outside. Here she was at last, about bleeding time too, she was over twenty minutes late. Bridget barged into the coffee shop and made her way straight to the counter. She smiled over at Harpur as she dragged her fingers through her hair and pulled a sour face. “It’s bleeding freezing out there, look at the state of me, sorry I’m late.” Bridget was out of breath and her bright red hair was like a big fur ball. This woman wasn’t exactly pretty but there was something about her that was pleasing to the eye. She wasn’t fat, but let’s say she was carrying a bit of extra timber around. Bridget was always dieting, but never seemed to lose any weight. Probably due to her sweet tooth, she loved chocolate, she loved cakes. Harpur blushed and hung her head low as all the people looked over at her. Bridget had always been a motor mouth and the pair of them were like chalk and cheese really. They should never really have become friends but somehow, they just hit it off when they were children and their bond was so strong, nothing could ever come between them, not even Harpur’s jealous husband. Bridget picked up her coffee from the counter and marched over to where her friend was sat near the window. She plonked down opposite her and started rooting around in her handbag in a panic. “This better be something good love. Look at the state of me. I’ve ran out of the house without any make-up on. I’ll be arrested by the ugly police if anyone sees me. You better help me sort my hair out too.” Bridget checked her surroundings and banged her hand onto the table. Go on spill then, while I start putting my face on.” Bridget pulled out a small compact mirror from her bag and started to fan her eyelashes out with some black mascara, mouth open wide, concentrating.