Whisper My Last Goodbye Read online

  Harpur confronted her. “No mam, he can tell me what he knows. You know as much as me that things just don’t add up. Go on, what did Brady tell you about what was going on because I know you know something that you’re not letting on about? He told you everything when he was twisted, so tell me, what the hell was he involved in?”

  Sheila slammed her flat palm on the arm of the chair and twisted her head to face Harpur. She was raging. “Stop doing my head in! He’s gone and nothing will bring him back. Whatever Brady told me doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Just let him go and stop raking up the past.”

  Harpur’s bottom lip trembled as she replied. “No mam, he belonged to us all and we’re all hurting here, not just you. Every day it’s always running through my mind and I need closure on it. You can’t just tell me to be quiet all the time. I need to know.”

  Suddenly, the back door flung open and in marched Diane. This was Sheila’s younger sister and since the loss of her nephew, she’d been at the house constantly. If Sheila was being honest, she would rather have sat on her own every day, she liked her own space, she loved her own company. Diane shook her hair and couldn’t wait to take her coat off. “I’ll tell you what it’s bleeding freezing out there. I shouldn’t have bothered even washing this mop. Look at the state of it now, it was perfect before I came out.” Sheila shot a look over at Harpur and that was enough to let her know that that was the end of their conversation. This was their business and she didn’t want anybody else getting involved in things that didn’t concern them. “Put the kettle on Harpur, do your favourite auntie a nice cuppa, two sugars and plenty of milk, you know how I like it.”

  Harpur stood up and walked over to her aunt, kissed her on her cheek and took her coat from her. Diane walked to Sheila’s side. “How’ve you been? I’ve tried ringing you all morning but you never answered, have you been out or something?”

  Sheila sat up and straightened her clothes. She’d heard the phone ringing of course but she just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone today. Diane sat down and kicked her shoes off. “We can have a walk on the market if you want, love. I need a few bits and it will do you good to get out for a bit of fresh air anyway.”

  Sheila growled over at her sister. “Stop thinking you can rule me. I’ve been out this morning for your information. I always go out and get my paper from the shops.”

  Diane chuckled, “Sheila, stop being so bleeding defensive. I’m just saying that’s all. For crying out loud, stop biting my head off when all I’m trying to do is help.”

  “I don’t need any help from you or anyone. I wish you would all piss off and leave me alone.”

  Harpur came back into the room and she’d heard the conversation from the kitchen, she rolled her eyes over at Diane. “Oh, just leave her to be miserable Diane, you know what she’s like when she sees her arse.” Harpur knew exactly what she was doing; she winked over at her auntie and carried on talking. “She just wants to sit in here all day moping about. I’ve asked her lots of times to come out for something to eat or even to come shopping, but she’s set in her ways and she won’t ever change.”

  Sheila shrugged her shoulders and sucked hard on her lips. “I’m not stuck in a rut at all. I’m just saying that today I’m not in the mood. Give me half an hour or so and I might change my mind, just let’s have a cup of tea and see how I feel after it.”

  The battle was won and Harpur smirked over at Diane. She sat down next to her and nudged her in the waist with a single finger. “So, come on, how did the date go? Are you seeing him again, did he tick all your boxes?”

  “Did he bleeding hell. I swear, all I seem to attract at the moment are unstable guys. Every one of them has something wrong with them. Whatever happened to all the normal blokes around here? All I seem to attract are weirdos and Clampetts.” Harpur started to giggle. Diane made her laugh so much and she was so different than her sister Sheila, she was fun, outgoing and never afraid to try something new. “Ay, Sheila you should try a bit of dating too. I mean, when was the last time you had a date or even a kiss?”

  Sheila shook her head and folded her arms tightly in front of her. “I’ve not got time for all that nonsense. Anyway, men are ten a penny and if I wanted one I would go out and find one. It’s not rocket science is it? So wind your neck back in. I’m happy being single.”

  Diane let out a laboured breath. There was some sibling rivalry going on here and her older sister was getting the better of her. “Well you won’t find a fella sat there will you. At least I’m out there looking for something new, not like you.” Harpur’s phone alert stopped the conversation from continuing and both Sheila and Diane were looking at her. “Is that your phone?” Diane asked curiously. Harpur pulled her handset out of her pocket and she was aware that all eyes were on her. “Who is it?” Diane asked.

  Harpur’s cheeks were bright red and for the first time ever she lied to her auntie. “Oh, it’s just Neil asking what’s for tea.”

  Diane looked shocked, this was a first. Neil very rarely texted his wife for anything, it was strange. “How is Neil anyway, I’ve not seen him in ages is he still looking after you?”

  Harpur let out a sarcastic laugh and rolled her eyes. “Since when has that man ever looked after me. I’m the one who looks after him more like.”

  Sheila jumped into the conversation. “Ay, Neil’s a good man and I don’t know what’s up with you lately but you need to remember all he has done for you.”

  “Mam, why do you always have to fight his corner? You don’t know what I have to put up with in my life. You always think he’s perfect when in fact he’s far from it. He’s a tight-arse for a start.”

  Sheila pulled a sour expression. “He’s far from being tight. That man is devoted to you and you know as well as me that you’re his world and he’d do anything for you.”

  Harpur was just about to say something but stopped at the last moment. What was the point anyway, Sheila would never say a bad word about Neil, not now not ever, he was perfect in her eyes.

  Diane watched her niece carefully and as soon as Sheila nipped to the toilet, she confronted her. “Ay, you seem a bit pissed off, is everything all right at home with Neil and that?”

  Harpur was stuck for words, was it that obvious that her marriage was breaking down? She flicked her hair over her shoulder and started to chew on her fingernails. “It’s the same shit, different day Diane. I just don’t know anymore. We used to be fine but lately everything he does just rubs me up the wrong way, he just irritates me.”

  Diane was a wise old owl and it was fair to say she’d had her share of problems in her life, especially where men were concerned. “You might need to relight the romance that’s all. Go away together for the weekend, get some raunchy underwear. Have a date night.”

  “You must be joking,” Harpur squirmed, “he won’t move from the sofa once he comes home from work. I can honestly say I’m so bored with him. Nothing ever changes and if this is how my life is going to be, I’d rather leave him and get a divorce.”

  Diane was gobsmacked. Until that moment she hadn’t realised how bad things were. Every marriage goes a bit stale from time to time and she just thought this relationship was the same. It just needed spicing up. “That’s a bit strong love. Is it that bad?”

  “Yes, I feel suffocated by him. Since our Brady has gone it’s made me look at my life in a different way. It’s put everything into perspective I think. I want to feel alive again, go on adventures, go and see stuff. Live life instead of just existing.”

  “So, tell him how you feel and see what he says?”

  Sheila walked back into the room holding the bottom of her back. “I’ll have to go to the doctors with this pain. I can’t move a muscle with it, honest, all night long I’ve been awake with it.”

  Harpur started to read her message as Diane turned to talk to her sister.

  “Why don’t we Skype, it would be good to see you in the flesh after all this time? What do you think? Love Dess
ie x”

  Harpur’s cheeks were on fire and she was fidgeting. Was she even ready to take this to the next level? She wasn’t sure. “Right, I better go home and sort Neil’s tea out. Mam, if you need me give me a ring. I’ll see you both soon anyway, I’m coming back to meet Tony here.”

  Sheila snarled over at her; she knew by her reaction she wasn’t happy. The front door slammed shut and Harpur was gone. What the hell was she playing at? Her marriage was on the line here and she should have been concentrating on her family, not a guy she know years ago. He was in her past for a reason, why could she not see she was heading for trouble? Harpur read the message again and rammed her mobile phone back into her pocket thinking of her next move.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Harpur shoved a silver key inside the lock and twisted it to open the door. Same shit different day. Neil’s car was outside and she was surprised he was home so early from work. Maybe he’d planned a nice romantic evening out for them both, taking her somewhere special. She scanned the hallway and could hear loud music coming from upstairs, the television blaring in the front room. There was no sign of anyone. “Hello?” she shouted as she started to pick the mail up from the floor below the letterbox. Above the din she could make out footsteps upstairs and doors shutting.

  Joseph came into the hallway and he ran towards her with open arms. “Nana,” he yelled. She scooped him up into her arms.

  “Bloody hell, why is the TV on that loud?” Joseph was eager to get back down on the floor and started to wriggle.

  “Come on Nana, come and watch this film I’m watching it’s called Avatar, the people are blue in it. Quick, come and see them.”

  Harpur held her grandson’s hand and went into the living room. Her eyes were wide open and you could see by her face that she wasn’t happy. “Where has all this mess come from?” her eyes were all over as she bent down towards the floor picking things up. “Look, who’s squashed crisps into the carpet?”

  There was no answer from Joseph and she started to pick the crumbs up as he sat watching the television. This kid was as good as gold and he never asked for much, he just sat there. Harpur reached for the remote control for the TV and turned the volume down. “Where’s your mam?” Joseph was engrossed in the film and he never replied, he just pointed his finger up to the ceiling. Harpur kissed him on the side of the cheek and left the room in a huff. Joanne was going to get a piece of her mind, what a scruffy cow she was. She was sick to death of her, every day it was the same, clearing her shit up and waiting on her hand and foot. Harpur marched up the stairs with a face like thunder. When she reached the top she was greeted by Neil. He was wearing only a towel around his waist and she could hear the bath running inside the bathroom. “I was just coming down to see you. Don’t do me any tea I’m off out tonight. Man U are playing and a few of the lads are going down to the boozer to watch it. You don’t mind do you?”

  Harpur looked a bit shocked but she answered him straight away. “Yeah, that’s fine. Where’s Joanne? Bleeding hell, why didn’t you tell her to turn that music down, don’t tell me you can’t hear it. I bet the neighbours are going mad listening to that racket all day long.”

  Joanne must have heard her and raised her head from the bedroom. “Sorry, I was just getting ready and forgot to turn it down. I’ll do it now.”

  Harpur shot a look over at her. It was nearly teatime and she still wasn’t ready. There she was stood in her housecoat, all her make-up on and not a care in the world. “How long has Joseph been down there on his own? Have you seen the state of it down there, he’s wrecked the house? You better get down there and hoover up. I mean, I go to work all day and don’t need to be cleaning the minute I walk in the door do I?”

  Joanne rolled her eyes and went back into the bedroom. Sam’s mother could moan for sure. What the hell was wrong with the woman? It was only a bit of bleeding cleaning. Harpur stomped down the stairs and went into the kitchen. Her face was bright red. Cups and pans were stacked high in the kitchen sink, the worktops were covered in food, there was spilt milk on the kitchen floor. She let out a laboured breath and plonked down on a chair at the kitchen table. Why did she even bother anymore? Nobody listened to her anyway, she was pissing in the wind. Staring at the wall, she shook her head slowly. Was this how her life would always be? Work, cooking, cleaning… Surely she was meant for more in life. This couldn’t be it?

  Harpur checked nobody was about and pulled her mobile from her pocket. She unlocked the screen with her password and read over Dessie’s message again. He did make her smile, that was certain. Something was happening here, a bond was forming, a friend, a soul mate. Her fingers started to type slowly, she was thinking about every word she sent.

  “Hi Dessie, I don’t think it’s a good idea us Skyping at the moment. Just let’s be friends for now. You have a family remember and I’m married. Anyway, I’m a lot older than when I last saw you and I don’t want to spoil the image you have in your head of me. How’s your day been? Mine has been crap if I’m being honest. At least you have sunshine to keep you smiling, come and rescue me and take me to the sun, God I need it at the moment. Love Harpur X”

  She sent the message straight away without reading it through. She didn’t care anymore and when the time was right she would have a video chat with her old flame, just not yet. She had nothing to lose, nothing at all. Harpur dialled a number and held the phone to her ear. “Hiya love, do you fancy nipping round to my mam’s house with me later on? Tony Wallis is coming round and I want a chat with him. I’d like you to be there if you can make it, Bridget. Just for a bit of support.” Harpur nodded as she listened to her reply. “Alright then, I’ll pick you up about half past eight. Please be ready, don’t have me waiting about for you. If I miss him, I’ll be gutted.” Harpur was giggling. Bridget must have cracked a joke or something. This woman was always so happy, without a care in the world. She was a great friend to have onside.

  Neil stood at the kitchen door and rubbed his hands together. “What’s for tea lovely?”

  Noel twisted her head around and hissed at him. “I’ve just this minute walked in. I’ve not had time to have a bath like you have. Why didn’t you start the tea if you was that hungry?”

  Neil walked over to her and bent down slightly to kiss her but she moved away from him. He made her skin crawl, his touch made her cringe inside. “Piss off Neil. It’s always the same old story with you. In fact, while we are on the subject, when did you last take me out or want to do something with me?” She didn’t gave him time to reply, she was all over him like a rash. “No, but the lads phone you and you’re up and ready in seconds and full of life. If I ask to do something you’re always too bleeding tired. It’s a task to even get a conversation out of you lately. I don’t know why I bother. Fuck it anyway, I’m not arsed anymore. Do whatever you’re doing. Just think on though, one night you’ll walk through this door and I won’t be here. Remember that.”

  Harpur’s knew she’d rattled his cage. She’d seen her arse. Neil held his head back and chuckled. “Bleeding hell, where did that come from? You never want to go anywhere with me anyway. Well, unless it’s shopping and you know me love, I hate shopping. What man likes being dragged around the shopping centre, go on tell me that. Only faggots like shopping.”

  “You hate a lot of things I like don’t you. Tell me again, why are we even together anymore?”

  This was a bit strong and just because he was going out for a few pints there seemed no need for this. Neil was gobsmacked. He knew she’d been feeling a bit low lately but he just took it that she was grieving and a bit touchy. Yeah, he should have showed her more love, helped out in the house a bit more, but he just forgot. He was a man. “Babes, come on, give us a cuddle. I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. I’ll stay in tonight with you if you want?”

  Harpur was never one for pity and she screwed her face up as she spoke to him. “No, you go out and enjoy yourself. Just remember this when you come home one night and I’m not her
e. It will be all your own doing. You’ve been warned. Coulda, woulda, shoulda is the story of your life, Neil.” Joanne walked into the kitchen and she was dressed now, she wore a short black mini skirt, and her hair was all done up and her make-up was perfect. “Harpur is there any chance you can watch Joseph later on tonight. It’s my mate’s birthday and they’re all going out for a few drinks?”

  By the look on Harpur’s face she was ready to explode. It was true, everybody just used her, took liberties, looked after themselves without a care in the world for her feelings. She was sick to death of it all, she’d had enough. “I’m going out myself. I don’t know what time I’ll be back either. Sorry about that but I do have a life as well. Ask your mam to have him.” Joanne was blushing, stuck for words. Harpur always babysat for her, she never said no. “I thought we were on a visit tomorrow with Sam anyway. Do you really want to be going to see him with a hangover, stinking of stale beer?”

  Neil made a quick exit before she flipped on him again. He’d seen the other side of his wife when she was angry and there was no way he was crossing her when she was like this, no way in this world. Joanne sat down at the table and did her usual speech when things were not going her way. “It’s alright. Thanks anyway, I know you do a lot for me and I shouldn’t take advantage of you. It’s just sometimes I get so fed up with Sam being banged up in that place and I just get lonely.” Oh, this girl knew how to work a sob story, she was a professional at it. A leading lady if ever you saw one. “I’ll make us something for tea if you want, you sit down and put your feet up.”

  Harpur was already regretting the way she’d spoken to them both. But they wound her up, took the piss out of her, what did they expect? Joanne started to look in the freezer, eyes flicking one way then the other. She was a crap cook and she knew any minute now Harpur would spring into action. She didn’t have to wait long either. “Just leave making tea. I’ll order us something. I’ve not got long so we need to have something quick.” Joanne smirked and sat at the kitchen table. What a cunning cow she was. Thank God for that, there was no way she fancied getting all grubby after the time and effort she’d put in to get ready. Harpur opened the kitchen drawer and passed Joanne a takeaway menu. “You order something and shout me when it’s here. I’m just going to get a bath before I go out.”